


open book

by kingmakr



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: M/M, Manga Spoilers, Past Sexual Assault, Post-Volume 19, ash lives au, post-manga, talking about past experience with sexual assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-05 13:32:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15864621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingmakr/pseuds/kingmakr
Summary: eight years after their escape from Dino's mansion, Eiji tells Ash what happened to him.





	open book

"Ash, we need to talk."

Those words never sat well with anyone -- not with the common man, not even Ash Lynx with his deep experience with bullets and blades. He began to think of all the things Eiji could possibly want to sit down and talk about; it couldn't be about his dirty clothes because he put them in the laundry, and it couldn't be about dinner because he finished every grain of rice left on his place. Perhaps it was how he discarded his shoes and carelessly left them lying around the apartment. Or maybe he was just becoming another victim of Eiji's thinning patience as his gallery show was drawing near.

Either way, Ash placed the television on mute, and then shut it off completely all together. Just in case, he thought, just in case it wasn't about clothes or unfinished meals -- just in case it was something more serious like fucked finances, or worst, Eiji's unhappiness. He pulled his glasses off and emptied a space on the couch for the other to sit on. Then he waited, and waiting was hell whenever someone began the conversation with 'we need to talk'. 

It didn't help that Eiji took his sweet time sitting himself down, calling Buddy with a whistle and a click of his tongue. The dog came running in, damn loyal as ever, and Eiji continued to prolong the silence. He began to pet Buddy senseless, giving him back rubs and belly rubs. Brushing his coat -- finding every way and any way to keep his fingers busy. That's when Ash started to worry. He reclined in his seat and watched as Eiji Okumura tried to distract himself from speaking. 

He cleared his throat: "What did you want to talk about?"

The Japanese stoped momentarily, but his fingers were still laced in between the dog's fur. 

"Oh! Yes. It's nothing important -- it's just old news really."

"Okay..." Ash drawled, but he was careful to make sure he didn't sound annoyed or disinterested. Eiji was hesitating, that much was evident, and he didn't want to make him feel like this was a place he couldn't express what he felt. The blond tried to keep his body language interested -- eye contact ( though the other was avoiding it ), body leaned forward as if to listen to him better -- but he also kept it relaxed enough to show that he wasn't pushing the subject either. But with the way he was acting, Ash would rather be damned than wonder what was ailing Eiji. 

"Do you remember about eight years ago...When Shorter -- _Shorter died._..We were in Dino's mansion ?"

How could they forget? Eiji was clearly struggling to speak of the event no matter how many years have passed. Ash had long learned how to live with the guilt, or at least numb it enough to not interfere with his life anymore. Still, he licked his lips at the mention of their old friend -- of his death. 

"I do."

"That day...I was very fortunate that they didn't test Banana Fish on me. But they made me do other things..." 

Ash's posture stiffened upon knowing all to well what _' other things '_ meant, but he didn't dare interrupt. 

"Ash, they gave me to Dino. Now -- don't get ahead of yourself and think the worst. He didn't... _touch me_ per say, but he was going to...He took my clothes off, and then he tied to me to the bed, and then he said he was going to have Yut-Lung and me at the same time, and then he --"

He was going off but Eiji wasn't crying or struggling to find the right words --  instead, he seemed like he was trying to rid his mouth of a horrible taste. He was going off until he paused to ground himself amidst everything he was saying, and Ash was thankful for that. He too had to pause and ground himself. It was a lot to process: Eiji, his light, had gone through all of this eight years and he had never known.

"I was just _so scared_...And I hated waiting to see what he was going to do. I knew you would come -- I just didn't know how or when...or if I even wanted you to because it was all a bait to catch you...But it's over now. That's it. That's what I wanted to talk to you about." 

At that abrupt ending, it was Eiji's turn to wait for Ash to speak. He, however, had the benefit of distracting himself with Buddy once more -- playing with him to fill the silence between them. Ash, still needing time to process and ground himself, bit the insides of his mouth and said the only thing he could think to say. 

"Eiji, can I hold you?" 

"Huh?" The other blinked. "Of course you can." 

Of course, Ash knew being held after such an experience -- no matter how much or how little you were touched -- was no easy task. He knew all to well the feeling of despising physical attention, and if he was not despising it, he was flinching away from it. He scooted across the couch to Eiji -- slowly, carefully placing an arm around him before lacing their hands together. The photographer felt small in his arms, and Ash couldn't tell whether he was sinking into his embrace or shrinking away from him. 

"Can I ask you something?" He inquired again.

"Of course -- anything." 

"Why didn't you tell me before ?"

Eiji's voice sounded so small but he spoke his words as if they were fact: "There just wasn't the right time."

 _There just wasn't the right time._ Ash could feel the way he was sinking with his body slouching and ready to curl up into a ball. Yet he also felt his resistance that refused to let him shy away from the topic he opened up.

"We were just raw from losing Shorter and stoping Banana Fish was clearly our priority. I didn't want to inconvenience you with your search"

"Oh, Eiji --" The American breathed, pressing a kiss to the side of his forehead as his heart ached that Eiji could ever think of such a thought. He held him closer, tighter, and without the intention of letting go of his light. "Eiji Okumura, you are never an inconvenience to me."

"I know that now. But there was just also a part of me that didn't think what I experienced was valid...Taking my clothes off and being tied to a bed seemed like something so small compared to your years of abuse."

"No. Whether they forced you against a wall or made you feel even remotely unsafe is wrong. Your experience is just as real and valid as mine."

Eiji gave a hum, acknowledging Ash's sentiment as their truth. He burrowed himself further in the other's arms -- his forehead resting on Ash's chest as if entrusting him to hide him away the world. And that Ash would do if he could; he would take all the bullets, take all the pain if it meant Eiji Okumura, his light and love, would be happy and safe. 

"I wish they weren't real though. That we didn't have to put up with men like them." 

"Me too, sweetie...I'd kill all of them for hurting you."

"It's over -- this is our life now. Besides," Eiji scoffed and gave a quiet laugh. "You already killed them."

 

**Author's Note:**

> way to go mappa -- taking one painful scene and make it worst thanks i hate it


End file.
